


Space to Breathe

by theresalwaysaway



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, healing in space, talk of past torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresalwaysaway/pseuds/theresalwaysaway
Summary: Fitz and Jemma help each other heal in space.  Set after season 4 finale.





	Space to Breathe

Fitz watched Jemma from across the lab. She was looking intently at the screen which displayed a very close up view of a culture or something. Turning back to his own station he felt himself starting to float off the floor. Tools that he had been using begin to drift upward off the table. He turned to Jemma with a puzzled expression but he was also delighted to be weightless—the sheer novelty of it made him feel like a kid again. 

But Jemma’s expression was ...afraid? Her eyes were squeezed shut and both arms were up protecting her head. She was whimpering and crying. In her attempt to turn away, she only succeeded in spinning slowly in space.

Fitz’s amusement quickly soured and he pushed himself off the bench to float closer to her. He reached out to hold her, gently caressing her arm. I’m here, it said.

She tried to open her eyes, but she saw the floating tools and, startled, she quickly closed them again. “You want me to…” Jemma just nodded wordlessly. He let her float and set about gathering anything floating out of the air. The other thing that concerned him was why the gravity went off. But Jemma was in no state to be left alone. 

After everything was secure, Fitz said, “You can open your eyes. Do you want to talk about it?”

She opened her eyes and was visibly relieved. She took a couple of breaths and looked over at Fitz. The worst was over. He asked again, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, No, maybe later. We need to take care of this gravity generator.”

They pushed themselves and drifted their way to the center hub of the space station to discover Mack was already at the scene. “Hey, Turbo, just doing some routine maintenance. Can you toss me those calipers?”

“I’ll just wait out here.” Jemma grabbed onto the bar on the wall to keep from floating away. 

Fitz noticed she did everything to avoid looking in the gravity generator room. But all he said was, “Sure,” and squeezed her free hand.

Soon Fitz and Mack were finished and the whole space station began slowly rotating producing the artificial gravity they were used to. Mack said, “And we’re back in business. Thanks. How’s Jemma doing?”

“I don’t know. Something spooked her when the gravity went out. I’m going to try to see what happened.”

“Oh? Sorry. Next time I’ll be sure to let you know when I shut off the gravity.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Fitz found Jemma standing outside the hub. “Is that better?” She nodded and they walked back to the lab in silence. 

When they got back, she sat on her lab stool with a sigh. 

“What happened?” Fitz asked.

“The tools. Giyera. It always started with floating tools.”

Horror rushed through his body. Giyera. He had killed him, but the memory lived on. He still could hear her screams.

“Oh, Jemma.” Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered, “He’s gone. He can’t ever do anything to anyone again.”

“It was horrible, Fitz. The worst part was not knowing where you were or what they were doing to _you._ ” She looked up at him, worry etched on her face.

“They didn’t do anything to me,” he replied grimly. “They just had me trapped and I couldn’t get to you.” He couldn’t bear to let her know he could hear everything. “I had to get you out of there.”

“I never did thank you. I was so upset thinking of you going back to that wretched place.”

“Hey, I came back.”

“That you did.” 

As they broke apart, Fitz kept his hands on her shoulders to steady her. “So new rule: All tools shall be secure in case we lose gravity again.”

As they began to strategically place magnets in various places to store tools while not in use, there was a lull in the conversation. Fitz’s mind began to wander and the memory of Jemma’s screams at the hands of Giyera returned, but this time they were mingled with the screams of the inhumans in the framework.

The full weight of what he’d done in the framework came crashing down once again and he fell to his knees. _He was no better than Giyera._ He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t think, he could only weep and then sob uncontrollably. _He had people tortured._ They were in pain and he didn’t care. He tried to cover his head to hide from the brutal scenes that played in his mind. 

Jemma was by his side instantly. “Fitz, Fitz.” She enveloped him as much as she could. “Oh, Fitz.”

After a long time, Fitz’s sobs subsided. 

“I’m just like that horrible man.” His voice cracked but he continued on. “I tortured people. I did that. I could hear their screams. I could hear your screams.”

“That man is gone! He’s dead! We got rid of him. What did you say to me about Giyera? He’s gone and he can’t ever do anything to anyone again.”

“But I did that! _I_ tortured _you._ ” He was a beaten man.

Jemma was adamant. “That man was never you. That man could only exist in a framework controlled by the Darkhold and that psycho version of Aida. We killed it!” Slowly and deliberately she continued almost whispering. “It’s gone and can’t ever hurt anyone again.” 

“But I remember it.” It was his last gasp at fighting her. The feelings of dread and guilt might flood back, but for now, they seemed to be abating.

“So do I.” Jemma just sat there rubbing his shoulders and his back. “Our brains are our own worst enemy, with their great capacity to store data. I used to think it was an advantage to be able to memorize things so easily. Now, it would be best to forget.”

“Our brains conspire against us.” He wiped his face and slowly looked up at her, her face peaceful and pleading at the same time.

“Although, that incident with Giyera, it hadn’t crossed my mind in a while...until I was reminded… You know what we should do? We should reprogram our brains.”

Fitz jerked his head away from her and gave her a sharp look, frowning, eyes still red.

“No high tech; we do it old school: build new memories right on top of the old ones, until—Poof! ‘Sorry, this neuron is no longer in service.’” Jemma seemed triumphant.

Could it really work? “You think it’ll work?” Forming new paths in his brain—retraining his brain—that he could do. He did have some experience with that, he thought bitterly as he sat up and stared at his fingers.

“It’s a simple formula: You plus me plus lots and lots of time. I don’t think we’ll ever truly forget completely. Maybe the best we can hope for is that the memories don’t sting.”

“I wouldn’t want to forget completely.”

“No?”

“Because I never, ever, ever want to duplicate that man. In any way.”

“Of course you wouldn’t. You won’t. That’s not who you are.”

Fitz looked up at Jemma. “That man is dead.” He said it. Maybe he even believed it. 

“Yes, Fitz, he is. He’s gone and you’re here and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

As they sat in a comfortable silence, hand upon hand, Fitz started to believe that maybe, the worst was over.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a comment by recoveringrabbit on tumblr who expressed a desire to see fics of Fitz and Jemma healing in space.


End file.
